I was scrolling through one of my favourite threads on Reddit and I had to write this after reading these shocking stories of wedding disasters!
These wedding disaster stories really are awful and disgusting and gruesome and shocking and… I can’t think of any other words because I’m too traumatised!
Try not to do any of these things at your wedding (or if you do, make it into a blog post because it’s hilarious/awful/addictive to read. Thanks.)
I’ve put a link to the thread at the bottom of each post so you can have a look for yourself.
(Please be aware that there is some bad language in these posts so if you’re offended by that sort of thing then maybe this post’s not for you!)
For The Love Of God, Don’t Mix Your Cocktails With Health Shakes!
“….I work as an event planner. It was the wedding of two fairly wealthy families, and the bride had decided on a rather rural, “shabby chic” aesthetic. The reception, she decided, would take place on family property, in a historic barn. This caused a huge flurry of issues, between having to have the barn cleaned, the fact that we needed auxiliary tents as the barn wasn’t large enough, and the fact that the property lacked electricity and running water. The latter was solved with a bank of generators, tubs of water for catering, and a side tent with portajohns hidden inside.
The bride had, to be honest, been quite a bridezilla, but it’s my job to deal with those things. At this point, the ceremony had ended, cocktail hour is shutting down, professional photos were taken. We were prepping to transition to the entrance of the bridal party, which would be followed immediately by first dance and cake cutting. During this, the dinner would be staged, so every aspect was being fairly carefully timed out.
I was speaking to the caterer when I happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over the brides face, and she frantically waved down my assistant. A few moments later, my headset beeped on, and my assistant said “we have an issue”. It turns out that the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a big way. Now, the bride was wearing a huge, full ball gown, with a fitted, bones strapless top in a sort of embellished mesh. Underneath, she had a shaper garment and hoops and slips. We had already realized there was zero way of her going to the bathroom: we had issues getting her into a limo, and having her use a portajohns meant one of us would have to get personal. That was my assistants job. I radioed to everyone to expect a fifteen minute delay, and they headed towards the tent.
The fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally, my earpiece beeps on. “The previous issue is more than we anticipated.” I ran over to find my assistant looking horrified.
The bride, it turns out, had been using some health shakes in an attempt to fix last minute bloating. This had mixed poorly with the cocktails from earlier, and she had eaten a fairly decent breakfast. The substance that had come out of her body as a result defied explanation. It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel. Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled. Generally, a substance no human body should emit.
But the thing that set it over the edge was that the shaper the bride wore was a latex deal that came down over the thighs and up to her bra. Waterproof, the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror. My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the brides thighs.
My assistant quickly sealed it back up and she and the bride vainly tried to wipe up the goo, dry, with toilet paper. This just spread it around, so they decide to give up.
Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride. You can smell her four feet away. The bride is just flipping out that she’s making her guests wait, that she has a cheorographed dance waiting to happen, and she needs to be introduced NOW. I’m just looking at her manicured nails. Residue of diarrhea are just imbedded in her nail bed. I start trying to scrape the poo out with a fabric stain wipe, while the bride insists that the show must go on, immediately. I give in that this is an issue which will have to wait, and signal to start introductions. The groom looks vaguely disconcerted by his new wife’s odor, but I tell my assistant to distract him until they take the floor. Introductions happen, the dance starts, and we find some fresh horror.
The dance was a cheorographed affair, and as the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist, he is squishing the poo up the insides of the waist trainer, up and out the back waistband. To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid back of the gown. As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.
Action had to be taken as soon as the couple left the dance floor, it was obvious, and I left my assistant in charge while I made preparations. She kept radioing me: the stain was spreading, she could smell the poo from her spot by the dj. They were cutting the cake now. They were feeding the cake to each other, both now with shit stained fingers. Each was looking downright repulsed.
As they left the dance floor, I had someone rush wet naps to the groom and to bring me the bride. The support tent was closed down for me, and I pulled a tub of clean water from the caterers. She walked in to find me in dish gloves and a poncho, like American Psycho, The five minutes, I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point.
The diarrhea was everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body. It may be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever dealt with. With her clean, I threw away the waist shaper, and scrubbed down the $15 k wedding gown back in a plastic basin. The inner lining was a loss, and I cut it out completely.
Dressed again,and offered a Xanax, the bride was little worse for wear, except for missing her dinner. The support tent smelled like a sewer and just was closed for the remainder of the event. The groom was a sport, never directly saying anything, but asking if we could cancel the garter toss as he didn’t really want to go under her skirt.
Pictures from the event appeared in a magazine. Still photos, away from the smell, were beautiful….”
Don’t Be A Bridezilla… Please!
“…The hotel brought the wrong main meal during the reception, and rather than just shrug it off and get compensation later, the bride insisted they cook the whole thing from scratch. For 100 people.
This essentially brings the reception to an end as now all the guests have to wait an extra 2-3 hours to get dinner, pushing back the speeches to the end of the night. The evening guests waited in the bar all night, then went home without ever seeing the happy couple. There was no time for dancing.
That marriage didn’t last….”
Hero DJ And the Amazing Mother!
“…I happened to be a DJ at a wedding one time. I was setting up to play the first dance stuff etc.
Bride walks into the dancehall room streaming in tears, alone and shuts the door behind her.
I go over to her and ask what is wrong.
“My new husband….the love of my life…just told me he gambled our honeymoon money and lost….literally last night on the stag do…we are going to Australia and New Zealand….with no spending money…..I had no idea he gambled!”
I did my best to comfort her and gave her some water. Husband came barging in. Im sitting next to the Bride and he thinks I am trying to hit on her and marches over to me and tells me I am fired.
I told him that was ridiculous I was just giving her some water because she is upset at what you did.
Now I don’t normally get involved in peoples personal stuff but having literally just been canned by this moron I had no real reason to be all that courteous.
So I said you are only sacking me because you probably can’t afford to pay me. Be honest.
He grabbed her and left the room. Then after about 10 minutes after I had packed my stuff away the Master of Ceremonies opens the door and announces the disco is up and running.
“Sorry folks. I have just been unceremoniously fired, so there will be no first dance and no disco. Have yourselves a lovely wedding reception.”
The mother of the bride walks up to me….looks like a hardened old battleaxe. I am fearing the worst.
“Did he sack you”?
“The Groom? Yes”
“Well I am hiring you. I know all about it duck, how much did they book you for?”
“Ill double it, I am so sorry for that. Can you unpack and I will just tell everyone there was a mixup with the start time?”
“Thank you so much!”
So I unpacked and wired the decks up again, did a quick sound check and thats about when the Groom comes flying into the danceroom.
“I said you were sacked! Now fuck off!”
He shouted that a room full of party goers and guests and relatives. Everyone is absolutely stunned silent. Im literally standing there thinking, what the fuck is going on when the Mother of the Bride strikes up to him and gives him a resounding slap.
The kind of slap that echoes throughout the entire room.
“Shut up, find my daughter and get on with it.”
He did as he was told. The first dance was the single most awkward one I have ever witnessed. I played “Fields of Gold” by Sting/Police, a really moving song…and he is just holding her at arms length and shuffling about, not really giving a shit. She is sobbing into his arms poor lass.
So I end the song and put on one of their requests, I think it was Dont Stop Me Now by Queen, and he just up and leaves her on the dancefloor.
Towards the end of the night, as the guests are filing out, I am playing a couple of slow tunes for other couples to dance too, and she is sat in the corner, by herself, staring into a glass of sparkling wine.
So Its about 10:30pm at this point and I am booked until Midnight, and the place is emptying out fast. Taxis start arriving etc and there is almost a queue at the door.
The mother of the bride comes up to me and hands me £400 in cash and thanked me for staying after such a debacle and I said no worries, and we got chatting.
Apparently this had all come as a total surprise to everyone except Mother, who sensed he was up to no good. So, in secret, she told me she put aside an extra £5k for their honeymoon because she had an idea something like this might happen….”
Wedding of Nightmares!
“…I was at a wedding in a big castle in the middle of the woods of Sweden, awesome location and most guests spent the night there. At midnight there were fireworks, fifteen minutes later a guy shows up out of nowhere and starts yelling about how the fireworks scared off his dog into the woods, now that’s sad, but the guy then threatens to “clean out the place” and walks off. Half an hour later he is back, with an axe, and gets into the castle through the staff entrance and then manages to hide somewhere. The staff told the couples parents about the situation in a place where a lot of people could hear what was going on, so word spread quickly about the “axe murderer” that was loose in the castle somewhere. Some guests were afraid and some were excited, drunken flexeggutor was excited upon hearing about this so we decided to go looking for the guy, in a 4 vs 1 an axe can only take one of us out if he is lucky, we all agreed we were ok with those odds. Luckily the police arrived and found him before we did, turns out there was a mental institution nearby that allowed their patients to take walks around the area…”
Blood on the Dance floor!
“…A girl at my workplace invited the entire office to her wedding. She married a rich guy. Very Rich. The reception at the biggest most expensive hotel in a huge city, and it was open bar. Bad bad move. Bride’s sister who was a bridesmaid had a boyfriend from hell. He had been invited to the wedding and finally showed up at the reception, and, somewhere between the main course and speeches, he blew up when he saw bridesmaid look at the groomsman she was sitting beside. He had jealousy issues, and he’d already hit the open bar a few times. More than a few. He smashed his beer bottle and went across the open dance floor in front of the head table and up the dias, after the groomsman, who was one of the brothers of the groom. He sliced him across the face and eye and blood spurted everywhere, and across the brides dress and some of the bridesmaids. He gets tackled, wiggles free, cuts a few other guys and goes running out the emergency door of the hall.
Eye cut guy had staggered out into the main part of the hotel (which had two other weddings going on, but this was the biggest) and he collapses, blood is everywhere. It stops the other wedding receptions. Ambulance shows up, police show up, I go in the bathroom with the bride and her sister, thinking I could help as they’re trying to get blood out of things. They were having the fight of a lifetime over the sister’s bad news boyfriend and that he shouldn’t have been invited. I slid out of the bathroom and back to the hall. The hotel staff is cleaning up the parquet dance floor like blood at weddings is a regular occurrence. The band is playing something, and the guests are all stuck in the back of the hall since the police are at the one exit, and paramedics at the other.
Ambulances go, bride and groom return to hall and it’s time for the first dance. They’ve decided to continue with the wedding. This was in the 1980’s where video of weddings was really expensive, and they’d hired a video crew. With blood all over, they attempt to make a dance for the cameras. The band plays, the guests applaud and then most of the 400 guests disappear. We sit in the back, the bunch of us who stayed, waiting for updates from the hospital, and watch the hotel staff set up the midnight buffet, plus the dessert buffet they’d also made since the desert never got served. We figured it was easily, in 1980’s dollars, $100,000 down the drain.
Most posh, and worst wedding, ever.
She came back to work a few weeks later after her honeymoon and didn’t say a word. Neither did we….”
I hope you’re not all traumatised by these wedding disaster stories because I’m sure your wedding will be amazing and not end up with explosive diarrhoea or a trip to A&E!
Can I just use this post to urge to all you amazing people out there to seriously consider getting wedding insurance. Now I’m not saying all insurers will protect you from axe murderers or explosive diarrhoea, however if your suppliers let you down or your dress gets damaged then at least you know you have some financial back up. I’ve heard so many horror stories of the Groom or Bride not turning up or cancelling a few days before the wedding or even members of the main wedding party becoming ill or getting in a car accident. One poor bride I know had the awful situation where her mother died unexpectedly a few days before the wedding. Not only did she have to deal with the traumatic loss of her Mother but she obviously cancelled her big day and lost her deposit on almost every aspect of the wedding. Venue, catering, the lot.
Please, please think really hard about wedding insurance because if you’ve been saving for years to have the wedding of your dreams and something goes wrong, then at least you will have the money to re-schedule. Wedding insurance is not too pricey and it could save the day!
Why not have a read of our other articles and see what you can find to help with your wedding?!
Good luck to all you wedding ninjas out there!